Batesee fanfiction (True Blue Version)
by ForTheBoys
Summary: A true story of Aussie toughness about two random guys on youtube. Hopefully one or two of these guys make a video on it and it'll be a proper laugh.


**Written by The Boys**

 **Batesee and Battleforge fanfiction**

So, the week is over. All the stress of Monday through Friday; a mere memory at this point. Why? Because it's Friday night! Batesee is sitting at his desk, organising his new videos and fantasizing about the wonders that Saturday will hold for him and the boys. As the age-old saying goes: Saturdays are for the boys. Our friend Batesee will not be doing anything over the weekend that doesn't involve cracking open a cold one with the boys and having a good night out. After a painfully boring process of editing his videos, Batesee decides to get some sleep in anticipation for an absolutely legendary Saturday.

As he sleeps, Batesee has a very strange dream about his previous encounter with Battleforge, the encounter that involved some heavy flagpoling and rather slimy interactive experiences. From such trauma, no human can recover. Batesee knows he was very drunk on VB that night, and it's very hard to control oneself in such a stage of intoxication. He wonders how it even happened, how events like that took place. Perhaps we was drunk-dared, peer pressured or just really stupid. It doesn't change anything, because Batesee's dream started turning into a nightmare. He began to recall in perfect detail the taste of Battleforge's milk of manhood. It was awful, and a nightmare that had to be woken up from. Before the dreadful dream came to an end, Batesee was visited by a spirit; the spirit of the boys. It said to him: "Oi nah yeah g'day Batesee, so I reckon there's a lesson to learn here ay mate?"

Batesee replied to the spirit: "What could I possibly learn from this experience?"

"Don't dog the boys." answered the spirit.

With that, Batesee woke up covered in sweat. This wasn't going to stop him from having a good Saturday, though. He rises from his bed, removes his pajamas and replaces them with a high-quality outfit approved by the boys: tracksuit pants and a hoodie. He then places his iconic green beenie on his head, ready to roll out with the boys. Every Saturday, the boys meet at KFC to start off the day. When Batesee arrives, a few of the lads are already on-site, along with Battleforge. "Does he remember what happened?" Batesee thinks to himself. Battleforge gives Batesee a wave and yells out to him. "Bout' time you showed up!"

Batesee gives him a nod and responds. "Yeah, it's your turn to shout the KFC today isn't it?" Battleforge, being an unreliable brick, says "Nah, it's your turn this week innit?"

This is considered an act of boy-doggery, as Batesee shouted the KFC last week and Battleforge is very clearly trying to save money to he can buy his girlfriend a new necklace. Battleforge is very whipped.

"Just shout the meals mate, don't be a snake. Just because you're whipped for the missus doesn't mean it's gotta cost the boys a fortune." Battleforge refuses. "Nah man, don't make a scene in front of the boys. I get it, you're poor as shit and can't afford KFC." An intense anger is suppressed within Batesee. "OI NAH! YOU ABSOLUTE STINGY DOG, FUCKIN' SCUM AY!" Having been officially challenged, Battleforge gets his fists ready for a carpark brawl. "I'M FINNA SLICE YOUR THROAT, DON'T SQUARE UP!"

Batesee sure as hell isn't happy with Battleforge for dogging the boys.

Battleforge goes for a sucker punch on Batesee and manages to land it, then he taunts him! "You're fuckin' shit at dodging mate!" Batesee is rather antagonised and retaliates by smashing Battleforge in the 'ead. At this point, fists are flying and we have Batesee throwing left-right goodnights and Battleforge shooting rocket punches into the situation. It's a full-on KFC carpark brawl between an unstoppable force and an immovable object. Battleforge rips off Batesee's green beenie and tries to use it to strangle him, but luckily Batesee has a bottle of VB in his satchel. He takes out the VB bottle and smashes it over Battleforge's head, wasting the alcohol inside but basically knocking him out. Battleforge is lying there on the ground, blood pissing out of his forehead. Batesee takes back his signiature beenie, placing it back over his head. He signals the boys.

"Come on lads, let's leave this snake for the KFC employees." He and the boys agree to visit the IGA store in Wollongong to get some bandaids, antiseptic and most importantly: VBs at the local bottle-o. VB is the only alcohol that can cure basically anything, so it's the first choice of the boys. As the gang is walking out of the IGA, they are suddenly ambushed! Battleforge has returned with company: his chav squad! The brawl that is about to take place will create echoes that can be heard from the moon, and generations upon generations will know the great IGA brawl of 2017. A true Australian event indeed. Without warning, Battleforge's chav squad rolls up on Batesee's boys, throwing punches like you wouldn't believe. All that can be heard is the sound of British fists hitting Australian skin, and Aussie bottles being smashed over Pommie heads. Both bands of warriors are absolutely relentless and merciless. Batesee yells out: "Battleforge mate, dogging the boys is a war crime and it's gonna be a left right goodnight bottling over the head for ya!"

Battleforge, having recieved such a deadly Aussie threat, accepts his challenge. "I'm coming for you, Batesee! You'll get a deadset knockout innit mate!?" Through the crowded mass of interracial brawlers, Batesee and Battleforge charge at each other. The impact sound was like no other. Remember when Russia tested the Tsar bomba? Yes, the impact was louder than the explosion of the greatest bomb ever built. They fall to the ground, shattering the Earth beneath them. They had knocked themselves straight out! When they woke up, everyone was gone. The boys, the chav gang, even the teenagers recording on their phones while shouting "World Star!". However, the two archenemies did not wake up in the same place. When Batesee awoke, he was greeted by the spirit of the boys once again. It began to speak the wisest words that any man could ever hear: "OI NAH YEAH MATE SO G'DAY AND I RECKON YOU SHOULD'VE GONE AND FULL ON SMASHED HIM IN THE 'EAD AY MATE!"

Then of course, Batesee realised that the spirit was just a figment of his imagination because he's drunk beyond measure. He put his hallucinations on hold to witness the blood that was spilled in the IGA carpark. "And that's why Saturdays..." he said... "ARE FOR THE BOYS!" But Batesee had a thought come to his mind. Where is Battleforge? Did Batesee win the carpark brawl? Well mate, Battleforge woke up from his dream. That's right, the brutal combat between two friends over KFC was just a sick twisted sexual dream of Battleforge's.

Just a dream.

NAH MATE I'M JUST JOKING AY! Battleforge was actually shipped back to England, because he can't handle raw Aussie strength. On this day, our friend Batesee claimed victory. One can not doubt that he obtained the luck and power to defeat Battleforge through the consumption of vegemite, VB, woolies mud cake and true blue Aussie genetics. He also literally bottled his opponent over the head, like, that makes you win a fight instantly. AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! OI OI OI!


End file.
